Dynasty Warriors 3point14 The British Edition
by yaoi-is-wowie21
Summary: Potter and Co take a dip into wackyworld. Lots of random, crazy, randomness. Just me and my brother poking fun at EVERYTHING.


Disclaimer: All Potteryness belongs to JK Rowling. Any other stuff that seems obviously ripped off was, well, ripped off, mainly by my brother. Sorry, Ghostbusters, Koei Anchorman, Monty Python, um, the bible... and the Wizard of Oz. Oh, I'd also live to thank auburncrimson on livejournal. Those fics have inspired me in a way no other have. For instance, I now think glamrocker Siri is about the greatest thing in the world.

A/N: Co-written with Sephiroth17 at one in the morning while running on no food or caffeine. The Potter and Co take a dip into WackyWorld. Totally plotless and tactless. Majorly OOC. Injections of slash were all me. This is sort of like our slash vs. noslash declaration of war.

Regular: Written by Me  
_Italicized: Written by Sephiroth17  
_In case you cared.

**Dynasty Warriors 3.14 The British Edition**

Once upon a time there was a boy named Harry Potter. He often had strange and mystifying headaches, signaling that the Dark Lord was up to something. He complained that this happened a lot. Hermione eventually got fed up with this, so she gave him some Advil and told him to bug off.

But one day, he had a real evil Voldemort vision. So Dumbledore called together the Order of the Phoenix.

_This consisted off Dumbledore, Hermione, Sirius, Snape, the Weasleys, Remus, Kreacher, and Lu Bu. They all had ideas of what to do. Dumbledore said that they flush out the Death Eaters and capture Voldemort. Sirius's plan was to escape the screaming, rabid fangirls. Kreacher then just started gagging something like "Gollum, Gollum", so they — _

— promptly kicked him out. They didn't known why he was there in the first place.

They also kicked out Lu Bu, because he obviously did not belong in 1900 A.D. England. He went on a giant rampage around London and was promptly arrested.

Back to the matters at hand. Moody, who was not mentioned in the earlier Order roster but was there anyway, suggested they go for tea and biscuits with Voldemort.

Everyone agreed and before they knew it they were sitting in Voldemort's parlor, along with Lucius and Draco Malfoy.

_Harry then lashed out across the table and impaled Malfoy (Draco) with a trident._

"_Where'd you get the trident, Potter?" Snape asked incredulously._

"_Lu Bu," Harry replied. "Before he left."_

"_Oh."_

_There was silence. Then Ginny said, "I ate a big red candle."_

"_That's nice, honey," said Mrs. Weasley absentmindedly. _

_Then there was a loud bang._

Remus and Sirius had knocked over a vial of explosive liquid (that had been conveniently sitting next to the tea kettle) while they were having a serious snogging session, much to the delight of the authoress and the displeasure of the author. He proceeded to stab his eyes out with forks, making the authoress very happy.

But I digress. The loud, explosive liquid burned a huge hole in the floor, dropping everyone into it.

They landed in China (Because what happens when you dig a hole straight through the earth? You end up in China. Always.)

And Lu Bu was there for revenge.

_He had thought of many ways to get retaliate against the British. Anti-British flags, throwing warm, bad-tasting beverages into a water-based area, destroying stamps for freedom, writing his name on some bamboo strips declaring war, but he had better ways. _

_Like impaling Remus and Sirius...on separate pikes! (Much to spite the authoress)_

(She grieved over this for several minutes before coming to her senses and using her extreme authoress powers to bring them back. And laughing in the author's face.)

It's a never-ending war.

Continuing. The Order and Voldemort realized that they had to work together to defeat this awesome enemy. Then they could get back to fighting uselessly with each other. Voldemort sicced his millions of undead followers on Lu Bu, but the ancient Chinese warrior killed them all with a few good slashes, like you can do only in a Dynasty Warriors video game.

_(Haha, as if you could beat him with an army of undead! They fall apart easier than Koei peasant militia!)_

_Also, little did they know that a famous and really good strategist (for all you DW freaks, it's Zhuge Liang) was working for Lu Bu, and had planned an ambush!_

Soon al of the wizards and witches were rounded up and taken to Lu Bu's Fortress of Doom! (tm), where they were to be sacrificed to the arena gods in battle. Sirius was up first. He told them not to worry, and gave Remus a final, heart wrenching kiss that was interrupted when Snape smacked him on the back of the head and told him to stop being an arse.

The authoress glowered.

_Snape was the author's new hero._

"_Now you must face...the Funny Little Bunny...of Doom! (tm)" said Lu Bu._

"_That doesn't seem too — " But before Sirius could finish his sentence, the rabbit...of Doom! flew through the air and decapitated him._

"_Yay!" says the author._

_Then Remus ran onto the field and blew the rabbit up with a grenade. (Gotta let the authoress win sometimes)_

_Moody then said, "Where'd you get the grenade, Lupin?"_

"_It's a Holy Hand Grenade from God," Remus replied._

"I didn't know you were religious, Remus," said Hermione. "What with us being witches and all."

Remus shrugged. "I'm not. But it was a darn good movie."

The authoress was still weeping over Sirius at this point.

Lu Bu growled, angry that they had defeated his first warrior so easily, but quickly sent out the next one. The witches and wizards stared.

"He plans to beat us with the...State Puft Marshmallow Man?" asked Fred.

_Lu Bu then said, "YES! The State Puft Marshmallow Man...on steroids! Gasp!"_

_Then Voldemort shoves forward. "Let me handle this! Avada — " He quickly got crushed by the Mighty Marshmallow Foot of Doom! (tm). The Marshmallow Man lifted his foot, peeled Voldemort off, and gave him a hug._

"_You sure got the Imperio curse down, Voldy," said George._

"_I'm not doing this!" Voldemort shouted back._

"It must be your natural marshmallow attractiveness," said Harry. "I wonder if I have that too..." He went over to the Marshmallow Man, only to be crushed underfoot. "Crap."

"_Tell him to attack Lu Bu!" yelled Snape._

"_And to free Harry," added Hermione._

"_So, you betray me?" said Lu Bu as the giant marshmallow creature turned on him. But as soon as he and the Marshmallow Man clashed, the floor broke apart and the Order + Voldy and crew all fell in, sadly leaving behind the Chinese warlord and the puffy eatable monster._

"_It's all right, my lord. We can find you a new giant marshmallow," a Death Eater consoled his leader._

"_But it won't be the same!"_

This time they landed in a big, empty void. It was big. And dark. Very void-like. And it was empty, except for two people who popped up. Draco and Sirius, who had died valiantly at the author's hands. But now they were back, and Draco glomped Harry, who didn't protest, and Sirius did the same to Remy and there was much making out. The authoress set off fireworks and threw confetti around gleefully.

_Then it was the author's turn to weep. (With a little bit of gagging and withering too.)_

_Then they decided they should try and leave, when another hole opened up in the ceiling and Professor McGonagall fell through, but was crushed by a house and her feet rolled up, leaving behind a nice set of dazzling but not very sensible shoes._

"_We should take her glittery maroon shoes to cast the 'I wish I were home' spell," said Hermione, the smart one of the group._

Sirius leapt at the chance and grabbed the sparkling heels. "I'll do it!" He promptly kicked his boots off and put the sequined shoes on.

"Don't we need to like, hold hands or something to all go at the same time?" asked Ron.

"How would that work?" Hermione questioned him.

"Well, we won't obviously all fit in the shoes," said Ron, gesturing to Sirius, who was strutting around in them.

_Suddenly, horrible creatures of the shadow of the valley of death came._

_MIMES._

"_Avada Kedavra!" shouted Voldemort and a few other Death Eaters, only to have their spells reflected back at them by the horrible Mime Walls of Doom! (tm). They realized in horror that they had all been lassoed!_

_Luckily, the authoress, unable to see Sirius and Remus in pain, bolted down the mimes!_

The authoress was puzzled about this last statement, not knowing if she had sent lightning bolts down on the mimes or had screwed them down to the floor.

However, the mimes melted into the void, and everyone was bathed in a mass of black and white (silent) goo.

oooOOooo

Harry opened his eyes slowly, vaguely aware of the pounding in the back of his head. Everyone else was groggily waking up as well. They were back in Voldemort's parlor, tea and biscuits sitting innocently on the table.

"Unh?" Harry muttered, hoping someone would be able to answer.

Voldemort sniffed the tea kettle suspiciously. "Oh, I knew it. Someone put brandy in here instead of tea. Wait, no, there seems to be tea in here too...and some sort of weedkiller. My."

"Did, did anyone just have an incredibly weird dream?" Hermione asked.

"Depends," replied Lucius. "Did your dream include China, mimes, and an awful lot of guy-on-guy kissing?"

Everyone in the room nodded.

"I dunno. I rather liked it," Remus grinned, and leaned over to kiss Sirius.

**End.**

(HA! Take that, oh author man. Can't change it after you've written 'end'!)

* * *

We don't really hate you British. We just wish you'd stop putting British jokes and phrases into books read by Americans. It makes me wish we weren't quite so...American. Oh yeah, and we don't condone the use of any sort of drugs. Don't use those steroids, kiddies. They won't help ya.

So...my brother in now dancing around my room with my stuffed animals. Makes me wonder why I ever even thought of writing anything with him.

_LIES! She lies! And speaking of kissing, I recall Sirius being sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss. Sure, he escaped that fate, but he DIED anyway. Yes, Sirius DIED! Hahahaha!_

(Authoress bursts into tears of denial)

_Er...yes. Anyway, I guess she'd appreciate it if you left a review. Very sporting of you, really, if you did._


End file.
